How to

Get out of bed because you don't want to have morning voice when the call comes in. Put on elastic bottoms because it's enough to worry if you're getting the job, you can't worry about being fat, too.

Tuck in the corners when you make the bed so it seems like more of an effort to get back in.

Make a list of things that have to be thought about: What if they offer 33? What if they offer 34? Be ready for everything. 32 is out. You don't have to give a lot of thought to if they offer 36, but don't be too elated because you already told them you're worth 45.

Pick zits. Do not put on a Mudd mask to seep up the oil because the mask might have hardened when the phone rings. Experiment with Mudd masks on your arms. Put it on thick because you have all day to let it dry.

Try not to be rude when someone who is not your job offer phones. Say you are expecting a very important call, say you were about to walk out the door. This does not work with the AT&T solicitor. AT&T will tell you about their free coupons for gas even if you tell them your house is on fire. Tell the AT&T person you don't have a car. Then check your voice mail to see if you got a call while the AT&T person was talking. Realize you could be getting a call while you're checking your voice mail. Change your secret code from six numbers to four numbers so there's less chance of missing a call while you're calling to check if you missed any calls.

At 4 p.m. put a Mudd mask on your face. It would be terrible if the job call came when you couldn't open your mouth, so the odds are this will happen.

Do not rearrange your torn jeans to the front of your closet because you won't be wearing them if you get the job. Do not look at GAP ads in Rolling Stone because you won't buy clothes if you don't get the job.

At 6:00 p.m. there is no chance the phone call will come because everyone at the dream job company has gone home for the day, which is why this is a dream job in the first place.

Eat cake for dinner.

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