What I Wrote Instead of a Note

I lay out the pills on the table. But it's not realistic. I wouldn't take them without alcohol.

I sell three more books to a different bookstore. I like having something to do.

I buy a bottle of Scotch. I think I remember tasting this as a kid. I think I liked it.

I pour Scotch into a glass and I divide the pills into groups of six because that's how many I think I could swallow at once.

I sit down on the sofa in front of my pills and my Scotch and I think about whether or not I can stand to dump Tano. Each time I think I can't stand the thought, I go to the bathroom to get more pills.

I would use a gun. I imagine myself putting the gun just above my right ear. I don't even know how to shoot a gun. I imagine myself taking gun lessons. This scheme would cost a lot of books. I would have to be sure because once I sold all the books there'd be no turning back.

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